(Journal 129)

  (To be honest I was suppose to do a long rant about cosplayers, Nerd / Geek conventions, rude people. But due to writer's block, forget it. I don't have to time to waste. It's the summer, its time to celebrate the summer vacation and I care about my family, relatives, best friends, friends, fans, people who support me more. The good innocent ones. But my long rant was good writing practice for my Rants n Opinions: Rant on cosplayers, Nerd / Geek conventions, it makes me ready to write, I have the ideas and to finish. I rather put it there than here at this journal. I had a choice between writing in this journal either I write: 1. My Rant and going to Otakuthon 2016. Or 2. Going to Otakuthon 2016. But I chose number 2..)

  Wow its summer right away and July? Man the years goes by fast. It still feels like 2015 to me. "When I was little the years go by slow. When I was older the years go by fast Jesus Crysis!" Its right now 2016 and July!

 Man I'm very slow with the uploads and deviations. I haven't even upload all of the GeekFest Montreal 2015 photos, Montreal Mini Comic Con 2015 photos, worked on my FanFiction J25, other FanFictions and literature writings like My Blog, Rants n Opinions, etc... Drawings, artworks, etc... Editing profile, gallery folders, etc...
 I'm like the next Slowking (Pokémon.)
 I've been very busy, slow, bored, lazy.
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  So much dilemmas, I can feel happy, crazy, angry, depressed. These mood swings. I don't know how am I going to write this journal. Either in a happy way or in a grudge way. It feels like a demon is controlling me. Ughh my brain...

  I don't feel like the same person from the past years of 2000 to 2006. My classic self.

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  I want to run away from the dark past, no matter how hard I tried...
  All I want is peace and freedom...
  There is a part where I want to be happy... But no matter how hard I tried...

  I hate getting mad in front of my family, best friends, friends, fans, people who support me. Everyone looks at me like I'm a raging demon. It doesn't feel like me at all, I don't feel the same as myself... 
  
  I feel like another person.

  I need to get my classic self back...

....

  "Sometimes the mind can bend so far, that it snaps in two."
  "They say the mind bends and twists to deal with the horrors of life... I think mine bent so much it snapped in two."

  - Mr. Grimm

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  Otakuthon...
  Otakuthon 2016...

  I'm not really excited/hyped for this con. 
  I got nothing to say, I don't care how people are very excited for this, I lost my motivation to going to Nerd / Geek conventions and going there, I feel nervous, stressed out, the PTSD and depression around me. I feel very sick. Its because of the dark past. I don't feel even ready for this con. This year feels like a rush...

  Montreal Quebec Canada.
  Otakuthon 2016.
  Sunday August 7, 2016.

  I'm only going on Sunday.
  I use to go to 3 days per each Otakuthon.
  But this one will be different.

  Its because I'm going somewhere for vacation for 2 weeks with my family. (I'm going to enjoy my vacation there.)
  I'm returning at the next Friday after my vacation.

  Saturday well I can go to Otakuthon 2016, but I need some rest to recover from my vacation and to set up my equipment. 

  The reason why I'm going to Otakuthon 2016 is because I would like to see a few of my friends, people I support and people who support me. My photographer, maybe my 2nd photographer as well and 2 artists. 
  
  I'm going lone wolf by myself, I was always a loner especially at school. Some of my so called "friends" abandoned me throughout the years. My best friends aren't into cons, including my family and relatives. But I'll be seeing the ones that I would like to see there, the ones I care for.

  And also I want to shop around, look at stuff, etc... Do the things that I like to do in Otakuthon and make it much better than the f***ing dark past.

  Last year's dark past. I would like to meet Colleen Clinkenbeard the voice actress of Riza Hawkeye (Fullmetal Alchemist,) but I failed to meet her and I fail to finish the drawing that I would like her to sign for me.

  I don't feel excited or to meet these famous actors Samuel Vincent and Eric Stuart and Karen Strassman, because I'll be busy and I was too late to do the drawings for one of them to sign to meet one of them.

  I'll be taking probably less photos with my camera, because people who are cosplaying "looks can be deceiving." I have to be careful who am I trusting and talking to.
  Some people and some who are cosplaying are bullies, bad rude evil people, they might verbal abuse you, abandon you, use you like a puppet/slave, backstab you. 
  I was just being all nice and friendly. No matter how hard I tried being nice, respectful, and kind. They'll just verbal abuse you, abandon you, become rude to you, bully you, use you like a puppet/slave, backstab you. 
  Realizing who these people are in the end. You gotta watch out who you're trusting, being friends with, who's supporting you and who are you supporting. 
  I despise people who hangout with rude evil people. Like what the f*** is wrong with you siding with bullies? It doesn't make you a good person.
  I don't think I'm going to give up. I rather die trying and ignore those f***ing rude bastards. People nowadays have no respect no more.

  I'll run my deviantART the way I wanted to be. 
  Its my deviantART.

  I'll be either Lucina (Fire Emblem: Awakening) (with an upgrade.) or Deathstroke (Teen Titans) (if the PTSD goes on, I'll be Deathstroke.)
  I'll be probably wearing a full mask to hide my face, because due to depression and PTSD.
  This world is fill of rude evil people and corruption.

  I feel like a ghost/phantom. I'm stealth. I know how to disappear.

  I want to make this Otakuthon 2016 count just like Otakuthon 2011, 2012, 2013, Otakuthon Halloween 2011, Toy Con 2015, Montreal Mini Comic Con 2015. The best ones.
  Including Montreal Comic Con 2012, Montreal Comic Con 2013, Otakuthon 2014, What the Fur 2015, GeekFest Montreal 2015. The ok ones.

  Montreal Mini Comic Con 2015 was victory.
  So this one can be victory, I'm going to make this one count for good.

  "Winner take all..." - Mr. Grimm

  Its better to care about the people who care about you...
  I need more peace, freedom and love...

  I don't know how I feel about this. Some points I feel happy, crazy, angry, depression by mood swings. My mind is lost...

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  To my family, relatives, best friends, friends, fans, people who I support and people that I support.
  Goodbye. Take care.
  Enjoy the summer vacation.